Tête-à-Tête-Tête

When: Friday, August 18th, 7 p.m.
Where: Unitarian Universalist Church of Chattanooga (directions)

The ballot in November asks voters to approve an amendment to the
Tennessee constitution which excludes same-sex couples from the civic,
spiritual, emotional and financial benefits of marriage that are now
enjoyed by heterosexual couples. I believe this amendment, if
approved, will hurt more people than it will help. As a matter of fact,
it will help no one.

Before I ask you to come to this meeting and offer your help and support, I ask you to consider a couple of things.

First, in the event your mind is not already made up, or you have decided to support passage of this amendment, I ask you to think about what this means. The ballot inititiative to ban a single form of marriage in the State Constitution (how wierd is that, anyway?) means a lot of things to a lot of people. Consider what it means to you, and to others who will feel its effects directly. Here’s a personal note about what it means to a single gay individual in Tennessee:

My mom died of cancer when I was a senior in college. She fought a courageous four year battle that probably should have lasted about two years at best. I know she left me with that stubbornness and strong will that sustained her fight against an awful disease. Growing up, I remember hiding my head in shame when we would have to literally hold her back from storming the field to take on a referee who had not made the right call in her eyes to protect my brother Richard who played high school football. Today, I am forever grateful for that fight and strong sense of what is right that she passed on to me.

If I allow our Constitution to be altered to say that I do not have the same rights as every other person in this state, what does that say about how I really feel about myself? If my marriage rights are taken today, what rights can be taken away tomorrow?

I walk down the streets of Nashville and I wonder if the person I just passed believes that I should be denied the same rights that he has. I wonder if he believes that my love is somehow inferior to his. I feel my mom’s sense of fairness rise in me and rather than storming the field to take on these referees of my life, I fight on a bigger level to educate them. I know in my heart that when good people meet me and meet you and know that our dreams and hopes are the same as theirs that it will be so much more difficult for them to step in a booth and vote away our rights. At the end of the day, I believe that fairness is an important value to the people of this state.

Some other thoughts about what it means:

• Support Civil Unions? Are you among the many that feel “marriage” should be a special term held in reserve for heterosexual couples, but who believe that equal legal rights should be guaranteed through civil unions? Oppose this initiative. It undermines the legal basis for civil unions as well.

• Pro-family? The groups who are sponsoring this initiative call themselves “pro-family”. But, the bulk of their efforts is not directed toward building up the families of which they approve. It is directed toward destroying the prospects of legal recognition for families of which they disapprove. Pro-Gun groups do not spend the bulk of their time and money trying to ban certain types of guns. Pro-tax-cut groups do not spend the bulk of their time and money trying to ban certain types of tax cuts. What Pro-family really means is standing up for families - trying to help them function - whether they represent your own “ideal” family, or they represent a real family struggling to manage in the real world.
• Courage or fear: The groups who are sponsoring this initiative tell you that allowing due legal process to those who would legislate or sue for equal marriage rights will “undermine the institution of marriage”. They have no evidence to present - only fear. The evidence is to the contrary. Marriage thrives just as well where it is unrestricted as where fundamentalist codes reign. Do you have so little faith in the institution of marriage that you believe artificial Constitutional amendments must be introduced to keep it from falling apart simply because those you do not approve of are allowed access to it as well? Or do you have courage enough to allow the state to treat its citizens equally and to let God or Providence decide which marriages will be ‘truly’ recognized and blessed?
• Kids: Even if you see red when you think about it, thousands or tens of thousands of kids in this state and across the country are being raised by same-sex parents. When you undermine the legal basis for their parents’ families, you are undermining the legal basis for their own families. These kids don’t want to be kicked out of their home and put in the pit of the foster care system. If you believe they are harmed by having same-sex parents, why would you want to harm them further by arranging it so they have no hope for the basic legal protections of family?

The list goes on and on. The other thing I would like for you to consider is whether we can win. Can this amendment be defeated in a “red” state? The answer to that is difficult. Polling among the general public is 59% in favor of the amendment. But have all those people really thought about the issue? Will all of those people turn out to vote? Will the people who vote be those who have something at stake: the future of their own families? Or will the people who vote be those who simply want a degree of control over the lives of the families they disapprove of? That answer depends, to a large degree on you and me. If we organize, and if we create hope, those who have a stake, or those who support the rights of these families will go vote. If we educate, many of those 59% will begin to think about the issue. Some of them will decide not to vote for banning Civil Unions. Some of them will decide not to tear down someone else’s family, but instead build up their own.

Now, I ask you - will you join your support? We can do this. Let’s get started.